Terrible A-Team Ep. 3
TLDR: We exploit some attackers and defenders in true Terrible A-Team form.
--- True Story (most of the facts happened and anything that
didn’t are due to a failing memory brought on by too much RL work)
My previous 2 Terrible A-Team posts I thought were so random
that there couldn’t possibly be a third. But I was wrong.
Just to recap, for you young people who don’t know who the
A-team were or missed their TV show in the 80’s. The A-team were a band of
X-military misfits who drove around America, for what I could tell.. randomly.
Each episode had a similar theme. Friend of a friend calls in A-team to solve
problems that local law enforcement can’t/won’t solve. Usually there is some
creativity, explosions, fighting and people with machine guns that can’t seem to
hit anything fire bullets and hit nothing other than the ground.
Well, my corp is a Terrible A-team. We wander around, explode
things, ourselves, others, whatever is funniest at the time. Whatever gives us
the greatest amount of laughs. We solve nothing, and make usually everything
worse.
This particular instance, our scout “Bandit” jumps into a low
sec connected to our static (Debra), and drops probes. This is standard
operating practice for our scouts to just keep going and going till we get
bored of the chain and roll the hole, just to do it all over again. He finds 3
different wormholes connected to this low sec. The first one he finds, he lands
and sees a cloaky hauler exiting the hole.
Well, that’s something!
He mentions it on coms and we are prepped with frigates waiting on the
Deb side of the low sec. We figure we would use frigates to catch the hauler if
it returned. We can’t use a bubble because half of the target hole is in low
sec (no bubbles).
We wait… and wait.. and eventually the hauler returns.
Bandit says jump and warp to the C3 entrance in the low sec. With the warp
speed enhancements interceptors warp so fast across systems, that we could
jump, warp, and jump again before a slow hauler even uncloaks on the other
side. Small chance we catch a cloaky hauler but it’s worth the effort. Just because there is a slim chance of success, doesn't mean you shouldn't try.
Now keep in mind, we haven’t jumped into the C3 where the hauler came from, the entire
time while we wait for the hauler to return. The hauler may have cloaked eyes
inside the hole and any kind of ship entering a hole just used by a hauler may
spoil the target.
The cloaky hauler jumps in. My interceptor and Cloudhunters
Daredevil are seconds behind. What do we find? A hurricane sitting 10k from the
hole in a warp disruption bubble.
That’s weird, armed escort? Who cares! I lock,
point and engage the hurricane. Totally forgetting about the cloaky hauler who
quickly cloaks and floats away.
Well that was something. Missed a hauler only to find a
bubbled Hurricane. Op success?
Convo request opens.
At first I thought it was the hurricane pilot, I didn’t
catch his name while I was shooting him. I greet him with the typical o/.
The person I’m talking to is now telling me that he isn’t
the pilot of the Hurricane and is in fact someone else and that the hurricane
was a “Scout” for some people bashing his POS.
I hit D-scan and sure enough, there are some battleships,
sentry drones and a bunch of other random ass crap. Bandit jumps his scout in
to get eyes on the bashing fleet.
The POS defender warns me that they have a lot of pilots and
that I should be careful.
Well fuck son! I didn’t log into a fake spaceship game to be
careful! He clearly doesn't know us.
Bandit gets eyes on the attacking fleet, who is still on
grid with the POS shooting it. The defender informs me his shields are at 45%
and failing, all guns are incapped and he has been moving assets out.
So we take stock of everything we could possibly form up to
murder the attackers. Not because the defender asked us to, just cause those
are the easiest and funniest thing to attack. Outnumbered or no.
We figure that
any attacking fleet is going to need to get through that bubble, so we decide
to start shooting it with our frigs. Low and behold another hurricane lands. Ok
line them up, we will knock them down.
In what I could only describe as an act of CCP or BOB or whoever…
my game glitched or time warped.. or whatever, because faster than you could
say no transversal. I was dead.
Then Cloudhunter died.
And was PODed
Now I almost never complain about lag, but based on my own experience
and that of Clouds when this happened, both of remember spiraling in and suddenly
we were dead. I mean no Yellow box.. no Red box.. Just DEAD.
I was able to get
my pod out. But from what Cloud told me, he lagged so hard, he saw the ship,
clicked in space, and then was in Amarr, in a fresh clone. Both he and I are
fairly OK frig pilots, but this shit was unbelievable.He was pissed and submitted a bug
The defender who I guess was watching the whole thing, said.
“I told you so, these guys are dangerous”. I explained. “We aren’t done yet”.
Luckily a couple of our guys logged in and we put together
an assault fleet.
On field they had multiple Domi, an Ishtar, an Armageddon
and various other ships I don’t really remember. We figure they are spider
tanking (though not active at the moment) and hitting the POS with this gang.
It wasn’t so much the threat of the ships on
field that were dangerous it was what was still piloted in the staging POS that
was the real threat.They had logi, a cynibal some other crap, wasn't exactly sure because they kept switching ships.
Assault TEAM GO!
We brought,
3 Armageddons
1 Brutix
1 Harb
1 Falcon (held in reserve because I was flying a geddon and
the Harb. TRIPLE BOX PVP LIKE A BOSS@! )
1 Exequrer
Good match up in my opinion even if we were outnumbered.
Since the attackers clearly didn’t give a shit about a 3rd
party blowing up one of their Hurricanes and obviously felt they chased off the
frigate threat, they kept on grinding the POS like its no big thang.
I brought
in my harb and baited on the hole with the fleet waiting at Deb to Low sec. Harb,
jumped in, bubble still there and no Hurricane. The Harb removed the bubble for
the fleet.
Our scout at the defender POS explained the ships were still there
grinding away. The attackers didn’t seem give a shit about a lone Harb blowing
up their bubble. Kind of a bummer because would have liked to fight them on the LS where we can use the hole tactically reducing the effectiveness of their numbers. Possibly polarizing their members who don't know how wormholes work. But I guess we come to them.
Bandit provided a warp in.
We had them, I just blundered it.
Instead of having a cohesive fleet, we only really had support ships. The two
tackle we had was a Harb and a Brutix. We should have bubbled them. It was
totally my fault. The support ships warped in on the correct ranges for their ship
class, type and role. Away from tackle range.
We only got one. /sad face but we did OK with 4 actual humans IMO. http://underwear.eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=21685071
The rest ran back to their POS.
So there we were, all dressed up and no one to kill. Time to
poke the bees. I open a convo with the attackers.
“Hi there! I see you all are bashing this POS. The way I
look at it we can move forward in one of the following three ways.” “We can 1.
Go away. 2. Assist you in removal of this POS. 3. Help the defender”” Each of
these options has a different ISK value attached to them”
He responds with “Ok we are willing to talk”
Around this time, I realize that we are completely out numbered
and the element of surprise is totally lost. Sitting on grid with this POS is really dumb. More dumb than anything we have already accomplished. I tell the fleet to warp
back to the Low Sec and hold.
Now with the attackers gone and hiding. The defender who I’m
still in a convo with thanks me for
helping him.
He then starts logging in some ships. One of them is an
Onerios. We haven’t come to any kind of agreement with ANYONE yet, and under no
instruction from us. The defender for whatever reason slow boats his Onerios up
and out of the shields.. to what I could only assume is an attempt to rep a
gun?!? Dono…. But he didn’t escape the watchful eyes of an attackers Arazu.
The Arazu uncloaks, points and webs the Onerios on top of
the POS. We still have a scout there, and he provides a warp in! Harbinger
lands, points/webs the Arazu. The Onerios slow boats back into the shields.
The attacker rep I’m still talking to is actually flying the
Arazu, so this brings a different level to the negotiation.
We obviously outnumbered are really in no position to demand
anything. That doesn’t prevent us from asking. We give the attacker a price tag
to simply Go away. We tell him 500m ISK in cash or ships. We also point out we
have his Arazu pointed/webbed, so that’s 170m? Good place to start. The guy
says he needs every ship for the bash and can’t spare anything. O and he is
super space poor, so he can’t possibly give us anything.
We figure by the way
he is talking, he is going to be dropping his fleet on us any second. The guy
says he will eject from the Arazu and give us that, to go away.This whole time we are moving in a Hick to grab this Arazu’s
pod. Just in case the negotiations fail. :)
Bandit, the scout who owns all proceeds from this venture is
asked “So what do you want to do?” Ship or Kill? He says. “Kill”. The Heavy interdictor lands. I inform the attacker“We decline your counter offer”
and his Arazu is destroyed.
POD
Clearly negotiations have gone slightly awry.
Not to fret, there is the defenders to exploit!
I now start talking to the defenders again. “Hello friend!
The way I look at it we can move forward in one of the following three ways.” “We
can 1. Go away. 2. Assist you in defending the POS. 3. Help the attacker”” Each
of these options has a different ISK value attached to them”
He responded calmly with “ Well we are going to lose the POS
no matter if you help them or not, and since I don’t think you are willing to
remove THEM from the situation” “We don’t need to give you anything”
This is actually a very sound way of looking at the
situation, but I figure if don’t ask you can’t assume the answer is no?
I said, “Well we did help you guys and kill two of their
ships” That’s something right?”
He responded “ Yes, thank you but we are being invaded, we
don’t have any money and we are losing almost everything” I did a quick look around at what he had
floating in his doomed POS. Hmm a hound..
I said “That hound looks nice. Can we have that?” He said “I
guess, but how do I get it to you?” I said “just fly it to the low sec and
eject”
And he did… LOL
I asked the scout “Bandit” “Do you want this hound” he said “Dude
I don’t even know how to fly a hound, blow that thing up”
And we did.
And we did.
In front of the previous owners.
No more people to fight, no more people to exploit for our
LOL’s.. We killed a few people, we solved nothing and left
everyone scratching their heads as to why we even intervened at all.
We went back to our home and congratulated each other on a A-Team job
well done.
A-TEAM Fan fiction.
If I had to write a screen play of what happened with the 80’s
characters. It would look something like this.
----Murdoc is driving around in his A-Team Van in a residential
suburb and notices a break in. A-Team dismounts, charges into the house to see
some intruders raping a family of 4.
B.A. Baracus (large black man with Mohawk)
punches out one of the intruders and shits on him. The intruders seeing the
level of depravity these 4 individuals are capable of, run out of the house and
hide over the fence.
Templeton “Face(man)” Peck goes outside and says.. ‘Sorry my
black friend shit on you” but we could totally just get back in our van and
drive away if you just give us some stuff. The burglars knowing they completely outnumber the A-Team say, “Naw its cool we didn’t like that guy anyway, we will
just hide over this fence, till you’re gone” Templeton goes back and gives the
bad news to ‘Hannibal’.
Hannibal says “Gosh going over that fence sounds super hard”
‘Hay you rape victims” “We totally chased off those attackers over that fence.”
“Make me a samich!”
The rape victims, terrified and confused do as he says. Hannibal
says “Thanks for the samich, Noobs” Then throws the sandwich on the ground in front of
them. The A-Team exits the house, pats each other on the back
for a job well done.
