Saturday, July 20, 2013

Sermon of Bob

(fan fiction)

The scripture of Bob has yet to be written. These are his dogma.

Bob required stripper sacrifices to provide a temporary covering of sins and to foreshadow the perfect and complete sacrifice of his sleepers. Stripper sacrifice is an important theme found throughout Scripture because “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness”.

When the first wormholers sinned, strippers were killed by Bob to provide clothing for them. CCP Seagul and CCP Guard brought sacrifices to the Bob. CCP Guard's was unacceptable because he brought fruit, while CCP Seagul's was acceptable because it was the “firstborn of her flock”. After the invasion receded, Two-step sacrificed strippers to Bob.

Bob commanded the nation of wormhole space to perform numerous sacrifices according to certain procedures prescribed by Bob. First, the stripper had to be spotless (hard task, that can only happen through the cleansing heat of lasers). Second, the person offering the sacrifice had to identify with the stripper. Third, the person offering the stripper had to inflict death upon it.

When done in faith, this sacrifice provided a temporary covering of sins. Another sacrifice called for on the Day of Atonement, described in Bob 16, demonstrates forgiveness and the removal of sin.

The high priest was to take two male strippers for a sin offering. One of the strippers was sacrificed as a sin offering for the people of wormhole space, while the other stripper was released into the wilderness. The sin offering provided forgiveness, while the other stripper provided the removal of sin.
In summation, stripper sacrifices are commanded by Bob so that the individual could experience forgiveness of sin. The stripper served as a substitute—that is, the stripper died in place of the sinner, but only temporarily, which is why the sacrifices needed to be offered over and over.

---- His Fable

Fire and wind come from the sky, from the gods of the sky. But Bob is your god, Bob and he lives in the wormhole. Once, giants lived in the wormhole. And in the darkness of chaos, they fooled Bob, and they took from him the enigma of ISK. Bob was angered. And the wormhole shook. Fire and wind struck down these giants, and they threw their bodies into k-space, but in their rage, the gods forgot the secret of ISK and left it on the battlefield. We who found it are just men. Not gods. Not giants. Just men. The secret of ISK has always carried with it a mystery. You must learn its riddle. You must learn its discipline. For no one - no one in this world can you trust. Not men, not women, not beasts.

ISK you can trust.

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