Three unrelated real stories of recent SUSU shenanigans

Story 1 --I'm a screw up 

Nef pipes up in coms, "I have a Hicate with me on High Sec B and I just jumped in with my mammoth". We all ask if there is anything else on D and he says no. Everyone in corp immediately stops what they were doing and jumps into combat ships so they can assist.

Now Nef is an old hand when it comes to wormholes and he does exactly what you should do in this situation. Remain calm, answer questions and most of all hold your cloak as long as possible.

He instantly starts verbally kicking himself that he took the point off his hauling ship. This is what makes me laugh the most about our members, he isn't at all fearful of losing his ship or his cargo, he just wants to see others blow up.

We get some other corp mates who start heading his way. One in an astero and I think tard in his strat. We have more than enough to deal with the lone Hicate. I think though we were all content not engaging as quickly as we could, because we simply wanted more hostile ships to join in. Sorry Nef your ship and cargo is just impromptu bait for us. :P

Nef says that he is holding off on his shield rep cycle for us to show up. He doesn't want to make the hicate feel totally ineffective, so he is essentially 'bait tanking' in his hauling ship. He reassures us over coms that this guy isn't doing piss all dps and he could tank the dude for hours if he had to.

I ship into a bifrost. I've played high sec games before and jumping ships off their only escape is key to winning the high hole nonsense. Remember, any ship can jump out of the hole to safety, at any time if they are within 5k of the hole.  We are going to have none of that!

I'm listening to coms and I hear the astero say he has point on the ship, but no one has a web. He will be getting away for sure if I don't come in and save the day.

I jump into the C2 that has the high sec connection and warp directly to our Mammoth. Two reasons; if during the warp more ships appear, getting the bait out of there with a MJD would be important and because the hicate I'm sure is still staying with his target, making it possible to MJD the hicata away from his High sec freedom.

I notify my corpies that I'm going to jump him off, "Is he scrammed?" they answer "Yes". Ugg.. I say what must have been 4 times. "Scram off!

I land, I see the hicate is 4k from me. I activate the micro jump drive field generator. It begins to spool up. I'm screaming scram off, scram off.... for the love of god... "WHOOSHH! ... The hicate stays put and the rescue fleet is launched 100k in a random direction.

"Be free little hicate.... !!"

 The previously doomed hicate politely jumps to freedom to high sec. There is total silence in voice coms. I say... in a calm voice knowing I just totally hozed that. "god damn it."

"O well, my work here is done".

The tackling pilots explain later to me that he was in deep hull. ... Sigh..


Story 2 -Buzzard Auction

Vecii tells me in coms "There are Tech 1 probes in the C2a". I'm not really doing anything with all my characters I have logged in, so I figure I'd give an assist with trying to grab a scout kill. I move my sabre to the c2a.

Now what you should do in this situation is wait for an activation on the hole. I wasn't really paying attention and I ended up jumping into the hole with my sabre. This was a mistake. The main reason is, if you are hunting in a hole, any ship sign, ANY, can scare a potential target. As a professional wormhole hunter I should have known better.

I immediately apologize over coms to Vecii for my fuck up. Lucky for me the sabre has a cloak. I quickly get off the hole and cloak up.

We don't think the scout saw me so we wait to see what shows up on D scan. The only thing that was on scan this entire time was a single fly catcher in a force field. Since Vecii already scanned down the system, the first thing he checked was the POS to see if the fly catcher was piloted. It wasn't.

Eventually a buzzard appears on Dscan and drops tech 1 combat probes. That's weird we both said, is it looking for us? Nope, we figure out that it seems to be checking where the fly catcher is. After the pilot gets the fly catcher down to less than .25 AU, he pulls his combat probes and ejects from his ship.

His pod name matched his ship name.  "Did he just eject from his ship? Did we not find out if that fly catcher was in the Force field or not?" Vecii assured me, its definitely in the Force field by warping to the tower and watching the pod of the scout bump against the force field.

For some reason, that we have yet to figure out, the pod warps from the force field directly on to the C4 connection that my sabre is sitting cloaked on. I bubble up and kill him.

We do a quick Dscan and figure out the now dead scouts buzzard is 100k off the high sec wormhole connection that we already had scanned down.

Vecii jumps an alt into the hole and warps to the buzzard. Then jumps into the buzzard.

Free buzzard!

This is really where the story should end, but wspace is weird.

The previous buzzard owner asks in local if we took his buzzard, which we reply "What buzzard?"

Then he explains to us in local that he disconnected, which some how ejected him from his buzzard and made him warp away to another wormhole. I've not heard of this bug before, but I guess anything is possible right?

He tells us in local, that he would like the buzzard back. Well we can't give it back without a finders fee am I right? So we figure 35 million (the price of the hull and mods) is a good place to start. The wayward pilot agrees. We invite him to fleet and ask him to warp to us. Now, I don't know if he expected us to give him the buzzard and then wait for him to pay us or not, but we sit around waiting for payment that never comes.

Around this time,  Tard logs in and joins fleet. He asks in fleet, whats going on? Is someone selling a buzzard?

We answer yea, we are having an auction for it starting at 35 million. He says 'Sweet, I need a buzzard. Now for the record, Tard is on coms with us and knows fully well whats happening, but decides to play along and says "Can you link the fit?" So we link the fit in fleet with the previous buzzard owner there. He says "I bid 35m".

The previous buzzard owner now realizing that hes in a bidding war, bids 36m. Tard mullls over the new cost of the buzzard and bids 37m. This goes back and forth for a bit till Tard gets bored and says "Fine you can have it".

The previous buzzard owner seemed happy to have won and sends Vecii the money. We then give the buzzard back to the owner.

I guess he wasn't happy with buying back his own ship till he bid on it for a bit with someone of the same corp, that just stole it.

Story 3. -- Someone killed the teacher. 

Our scout pipes up on coms "I have... uhh.. about 10 ventures, some t1 scanning ships and a strat out in space in this c2, no force field".

I was like "whut?" He repeats it, and I said "Wtf are they doing out there?!" Scout says "I don't know but lets kill them!"

I say, "Well duh, of course".

The scout drops combats, quickly probes down the giant blob of random ships, yanks probes and gets on grid.

The scout says "These are from all different corps and doing what I think is a relic site?!!" I question him again. "In ventures, what the fuck?!" Since there is only 2 actual humans in corp I dual box an oracle and hecate.

In all honestly I didn't know what to expect, would they all ship up to save the strat? Would they try and fight us with ventures? No idea. I just knew that shooting them was the most effective way of saying Hi.

The scout gets point on the strat and I warp my DPS and tackle in.

All the little ships could have just killed us instead they just ran in all different directions. Some even warped back onto grid with the tackled strat. The tackled strat launced ECM300 drones so we didn't want to lose him, we doubled up the points on him. He never really put up a fight, and neither did the 20 some ships that warped away.

https://underwear.eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=33045838

It was only after the ship exploded that I bothered to read local.

It said this, "Hi, We are conducting a class for 'March of the newbros', please don't shoot us".

I responded with "Well did you teach them that wormhole space is dangerous?"

There is a special place in my heart for people who take time out of their days to teach new people, so instantly I regret blowing up the teachers space ship.

A private convo opens up with me from  Emmaline Fera, which I guess I figure out after the fact is the CEO of POS party's alt, the corp I just left. (no bad blood, just wasn't for me). The weird thing is, she didn't annouce herself as that, just that she knew who I was and if i could come on voice coms and give some tips to the newbies. I was like sure, why not.

They gave me the recording, before you listen to it and hear me laughing like a crazy person when I jump on coms with them. Just know I have an entirely different perception of the events than they did.

See the way I looked at it, I was just doing what I do and they may have expected random pvp to occur. That's not at all how Tovanas viewed it. This guy, even after I refunded the cost of his ship I exploded was a bit salty about the exchange. He's one of those types of pilots that even if you bought him a ship, fit the ship for him, then flew to him in an identical ship which blows him up... he would still view it as losing something. I'm not sure what, because you bought him the ship and he isn't really losing something... it still makes him salty that he was a part of it at all. Weird right? Ok.. back to the story.. just thought it was interesting.

The vibe when I jumped on coms was of glee and excitement. Happy that something exploded, happier still that it was something I didn't own!

Had I known I had just essentially boarded a school bus, grabbed the teacher and slit his throat in the corner. All the students forced to watch and listen in terror before they are forced to leap out the bus windows.

I may have done things differently.

Like bring two oracles, ungrouped my guns, essentially jumping on the school bus with two chainsaw arms and cartwheeling my way to Vallhala!!! WHITENESS MEE!!

MUAHAHA

The  recording and target coms here. The SUSU scout tackles them around 1:37:00, so unless you want to learn something about scanning/wspace and what not. start listening there.

 https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/582063/MoN_Wormholes101_032716.wav


You can hear how totally out of place my giggling is based on the mood of that room. Whupse! Ahh O well, it'll grow hair on their little newbie chests to meet crazy people.

You're welcome.

Chainsaw hands.. and D cups of Justice!